Living with a woman going through the menopause.
I need you to cast your minds back to the late 90s. A time when we weren’t glued to mobile phones and google was still in its infancy – people still ‘asked jeeves’.
I was in my early twenties and (yeah ok, a bit weirdly) I was going out with someone 25 years older than me. We were initially work colleagues, then best friends and then (about a year later) partners.
My now wife (ok spoiler – we obviously survived this next bit) and I had great fun together – we were foot loose and care free. As most people at the beginning of a relationship, we had a lot of fun together – and of course a LOT of sex. The wife was still having her periods, when we first started going out, and she was as regular as clockwork, didn’t have any problems with temperament (no tears or trying to kill me) – pretty much perfect from my point of view.
And then suddenly, one day, laying in bed, with my head laying on her breast, she turned to me and said those lovely words that every bloke wants to hear: “Will you stop f*&king blinking!”.
Next thing I know, she is in tears, unhappy that she shouted at me.
Apparently my eyelashes were fluttering against her breasts and (obviously) irritating the hell out of her. And that was the moment my wife entered the menopause.
Was it difficult – well 20 odd years on and I have managed to put to the back of my mind the hot flushes (sitting in the lounge, freezing cold whilst the wife sweats profusely, trying to find some where on her face (usually just the lips) which wasn’t covered in sweat and finally (and a personal favourite) laying in bed nice and cosy for the duvet to be thrown to the side as she is (surprise, surprise) too hot.
Suddenly I become an expert
If I talk to any woman now who talks about the menopause, I can bore them senseless with chats about HRT, black cohosh tablets etc
But the strange thing is when I speak to other blokes who’s wives are going though it. One friend was very confused as he felt that he was going home to a different person to the one he married. All he wanted to do was come home from work and relax – all she wanted to do was go out (with friends) and enjoy herself. Whether this was her coming to terms with her age due to the menopause or whether this was a hormonal thing, I have no idea – but as with all things in a relationship – communication between the parties is always the answer.
So what is it like living with a woman going through the menopause? Well, the Chinese have a curse: “may you live in interesting times”.
All I can say is that it was, indeed “interesting” J
For men wanting support to help the woman in their life while she experiences perimenopause and menopause, there isn’t a huge amount of help out there, but this article gives you some useful information
https://www.webmd.com/menopause/features/guys-guide-menopause#1 as does this one https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/feeling-unsatisfied-your-relationship/menopause-affecting-our-relationship-how-do-i-talk-my-partner