Five ways to boost your self-confidence& self-esteem
Is this you?
Do you find yourself constantly questioning yourself, worrying if you are attractive enough, smart enough, successful enough? Sound familiar? Do you find yourself consumed by what others’ think of you?
If this is the case for us, what can we do to help ourselves and turn to our ‘inner coach’ & ‘compassionate friend’ rather than let our ‘inner critic’ wreak havoc on our self-confidence & self-esteem?
Power of positive affirmation
Positive affirmations (simply positive statements) are immensely powerful because they release us from negativity, fear, worry, and anxiety. They reprogramme our subconscious mind and attract what we desire. When these affirmations are repeated – daily is a great option, they begin to take charge of our thoughts, slowly changing our patterns of thinking and changing our life and in turn, build that inner resolve, confidence & self-esteem.
How can we reframe any negative self-talk with positive thoughts?
Record your affirmations & listen to them. Your mind will constantly register what you are listening to, even if you are paying keen attention to it or not. Subconsciously, it will take the input and process it. So, listening to positive affirmations is extremely beneficial. By saying these positive affirmations too, you are making your mind believe them.
Or, name them on post-it notes and then pop them around the house, where you will catch a glimpse of them daily. Again, your mind will visualise them, take a photographic snapshot, taking them in and processing them.
Or, note them down in a diary or journal & reflect on them as part of your daily routine.
Whatever works for you. What will your affirmations be moving forward?
Power poses – our body language
Amy Cuddy in her Ted talk (https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_may_shape_who_you_are?language=en) talks about the power of our body language & how it can make us feel different – hunched over & rounded shoulders versus shoulders back & hands on hips can really shape how we feel in ourselves and tap into our inner confidence. Yes, pop into the loo (at the office or at home, if you are working there) roll those shoulders back, hands on hips and see how this change of pose makes you feel – imagine yourself as Beyonce or Wonder Woman (if you relate to the 70’s & 80’s female TV character)
Reframing our language
Check in on what you are saying to yourself or others. How often do we hear ourselves saying “I could do that” “I should do this” “I wish” & “I could” How does this make us feel confidence wise? How about checking in on what you are telling yourself and switch to “I can”, “I will” “I shall” it can make such a difference, can’t it?
We often find we are bought into outdated beliefs about ourselves, way back to childhood. Throw them away (visually in your mind or literally – bin, shred, set fire too – safely of first course!) if they aren’t working for you anymore.
Cut down on and/or detox from social media
How about spending less time in front of a screen (and not forgetting the blue light it is emitting too) and be more present?
As human beings (not doings) we need to engage with others around us to stay happy & healthy. When we areon social media, there is a tendency for us to compare ourselves to the images on our screens, which can impact on our self-confidence. We think we see a perfect picture of others, their achievements, successes & happiness, yet rarely pick up on any sadness, disappointment, loneliness (and I could go on) that these images maybe serving to mask, what’s really going on.
So, don’t compare yourself to others – or as I like to call it ‘comparatinitis.’ Try to spend less time worrying about how you compare to people around you – family, friends, siblings. Instead, think about who you are & what makes you, YOU. By focusing on what is important to you, you can develop your own sense of value & purpose, boosting your self-confidence & esteem.
Self-kindness – inner coach v inner critic
You do not have to listen to your critical voice – banging on about “you’re this & you’re that” The first step is awareness, recognising when you are having those self-critical thoughts – on repeat, going around your head on a ticker tape. You can then listen to your ‘inner coach’ or ‘compassionate friend’ and get looking at those affirmations.
Alternatively, you can take pen to paper & jot down all your inner critic’s comments (or the chimp on my shoulder, in my case) on one side of a piece of paper. Then, you can reframe those thoughts & write down thoughts of self-kindness on the other side. Value yourself. If a friend of yours, was talking about themselves in a critical way what would you be saying right back to them, without hesitation?